Essie's Story- part 1- hopeful anticipation.

I still have a hard time believing that this is really the life I am living. I hope everyday that I am going to wake up and find out this was all part of a bad dream. But no such luck. It's our life now and it is what it is.

I figured it would be a good idea to get out Essie's story, in case anyone ever wanders over to this blog and for whetever reason feels like reading.

I can't believe I ever in my life have wanted something so badly as I want a child of my own. I mean, I remember wanting a new car, and wanting new jordache jeans in junior high when we were all but broke, but those aren't things to even compare to this feeling.

And it was with a tremndous amount of excitment and joy that C and I were anticipating the arrival of our baby. I remember taking that pregancy test in February. I was so hesitant- I really thought that it wasn't in the cards for us. Imagine my surprise when there it was that ever visible double line. I can still see it in my mind. And of course all my exhaustion and feeling fat suddenly made sense. I was still nervous though, until we had that 1st US and heard the heartbeat and knew "baby" was doing well at 7 weeks.

C wanted to call everyone right away, but I, the ever cautious one, wanted to wait- for the doctor to say "yes"- and for the 1st triemster to pass- when I felt we would be safe. It was so hard to wait- and when we hit what we thought wa steh magic beginning of our 2nd trimester, in late March, when we started to share the news. Everyone was so genuinely thrilled and excited for us.

For the most part, I felt great throughout - some food aversion, but no morning sickness, and really tired a lot of the time, but nothing to truly complain about. I was even enjoying the body changes- for once I didn't mind being "fat"- my belly was starting to look like a pregnant belly and I was thoroughly enjoying my new wardrobe. Finally- a chance to wear empire waists and not mind the way they make me look pregnant because I was!!

People kept asking us if we wanted to know what the baby was. C didn't mind either way but I wanted to be surprised. I had a 20 week U/S and made the tech keep it a surprise.